Skip to main content

Review: The Cellar by A. J. Whitten

The Cellar will be published in May of 2011.

Meredith and Heather Willis are sisters dealing with the recent death of their father, and with the new kid who has moved in next door. Check it out on goodreads. Or read my review, and then decide whether you want to bother or not.

What is good about this book... hmmm. Well, there exists this genre of horror for people who don't like horror. This is one of them. The Cellar reads about one level up from a Goosebumps story, so this is not a real horror story. So, there is the good. Now, everything else.

To begin, the dialog. The characters in this book talk exactly like an old person thinks teens should sound like. Example, "Maybe it's his cologne. Eau de hunk."... "Maybe I should try some. Think they sell that at Hollister?"(egalley pg 117).
An actual line from pg 157: "He would have his forever bride." And, because they are teen girls, Heather and Meredith say "Oh, my God" every other line on every page! OMG! All teens talk like that all of time! Like, wow!

Adrien, the creature/lover boy is so 1980's lame with his permanent sunglasses and red Camaro that he is laughable. Heather is not fleshed out at all, all she gets to be is depressed (and to say OMG!)

The thing that really drove me nuts was the constantly changing POV. We are with Meredith, then in Heather's head somehow, and then we are with Adrien-with no transition, and all in the same section of the same chapter. I was so confused at one point...

After an incident with smell, we are informed that our main narrator has an eye condition and that may make her unreliable. What that has to do with smelling her dad's cologne is beyond me. I have never heard of an eye condition that could explain giant bugs crawling up your leg either, but these authors have. The same eye condition explains away bugs in Adrien's eye sockets as well bodies hanging on chains in the basement. Hmm.

A.J. Whitten is the pen name for Shirley Jump, a grocery store romance novelist (you know those romance novels they sell next to magazines, but not next to the bestsellers? Jump wrote The Cellar with her teenage daughter.

I cannot believe the stars this title is getting on Goodreads, they must be friends of the authors.

For me, 2010 was The Year of the Zombie (I think I read more zombie books than I can shake an ax at). How disappointing to wrap up the year with this book. These things in this book are not zombies. They talk, and feel pain. This is also one of the worst endings I have read in a long time. Team Zombie members- I warn you to stay away!!!! Otherwise, you will be rolling in your literary graves!!!!

ARC from netgalley, thanks!


Popular posts from this blog

Attention Lucky Leprechauns.....

Whoo hoo! Time for some lucky, Irish fun. One lucky, lucky person will win a $25 gift card to Amazon to spend on whatever your little heart desires.
Fill out the form. Comments and follows are not required, but sure are nice!
US only, I am just too new at this to attempt International at this point.
Check out all of the blogs on the hop! There are loads of chances to win some great stuff.
Thank you for entering, and please feel free to stop back and visit me anytime!
Contest open: March 17, 2011 to March 20, 2011. Winner will be notified on the 21st by email.
Hop to here to see the list of participating blogs!


How to Make a Sharknado for Your Shark Craft

I have had an insane amount of fun this summer, but I always try to do something for Shark Week. This year I called it Shark Lab and we are making three crafts I have never done with the kids before.

But for ME, I wanted a Sharknado.
Inspired by this post, and I tried several different dish soaps and NONE of the tornadoes looked as good as they did in this lady's posts. She must have magic soap, but it really works!

Then I went to three stores to find either plastic sharks that would be light enough to float and not just sink to the bottom of the jar and/or shrinky dink material (make my own damn sharks!) Both hunts were fail, so I made them myself using  a template I cannot find again. Sorry.

 I flipped the images, cut them out, glued them together and then book-taped the hell out of them! Presto, waterproof.

The jar needed I made a small label with
"Sharknado" bookended with some fancy orange chainsaws and voila!

One Sharknado for the parents to play…

Teddy Bear Storytime

Tonight's storytime followed the same format I use for all of my day storytimes as I have temporarily suspended my idea of doing storytime in reverse in order to get the kids sleepy. They only seem to run out into the library to pick out movies and books and the effect is lost. So here is what we did tonight.

Our theme was teddy bears, but our night storytime is always wear jammies, bring a lovey, and low action.

My opening song is Hello Bubbles which I learned from Read Sing Play here. BTW this woman is a storytime goddess and I have picked up many great ideas on her blog.

Story the 1st: The Red Hat by Lita Judge

 Why? Because I want to get across to my kids that books do not always have to have words in order for us to "read" them, and I want to give pre-readers a chance to feel proud they finished a book on their own. I plan to try to read or highlight at least one wordless read for the next couple of storytimes.

Flannel Board: Ten in the Bed
I used a modified versi…